I'm going to pretend for just one minute that I care. That I care to pretend to care.
I wanted to hold you close to my nose and smell your vile breath. I wanted to touch only your shoulders and squeeze into your collar bone. To leave a mold and come back to it later, so that I can cast a shadow of my hands on you.
However, there is no skin there. I see yourself falling away from me. It's into the bowels of the earth. I saw magma, I saw lava, I saw bright orange skin. I pressed my nose against the ground and folded my body against your wind.
Only if for a second I can pretend this is all happening. Even if you are just sitting there, talking to me as you do. I hear you talk about video games. I hear you talk about past casualties that you pretended to commit. I reach out to you so I can touch your strands of hair, but you looked at me. I freeze in your winter's grasp and I whimper a word or two. I cover it up with dirt and pat it on the ground. You wonder at me. I wonder at you.
If only it wasn't a game. If only this was all true, then I can suggest a rhyme and we can dance under the flames of the sun. By the beach, there's a bonfire going and we scream about God - but only until we collapse into the waves and spread ourselves thin.
We soon forget about it all, and I find myself pretending again. Only this time I am a warrior and I cast evil shadows around your throat. I grab your shoulders so that I know what it is like to feel.
I wanted to devour your gaze. So, I pretended to care about all your sayings and your so-called-whitty nuances.Igather those words I once buried. I wrap my arms around my sides.
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aikara's journal